How to Tell if Your Staff Are Pretending to Clean
Because “wiping in circles” doesn’t count.
Let’s not beat around the bush: pretend-cleaning is an art form — and your staff might be the Michelangelo of it. At Ultrix, we’ve been in hundreds of businesses across Sydney’s Inner West, and we’ve seen it all: the fake mop drag, the ghost bin empty, the “air freshener-only” blitz.
You think the team’s handling it. But that citrus smell? It’s a lie. And the worst part? Most of the time, you don’t even realise it’s happening.
So for every office manager, gym owner, bar operator, or wellness studio director wondering “Why does it still feel gross in here?” — here’s your checklist. These are the unmistakable signs your staff are faking the clean.
1. The Spray-and-Run
Looks like they’re cleaning. They’re spraying like a champion. But if you watch closely — there’s no wiping. Just misting and walking away like it’s Febreze-based magic. Real cleaners let the product sit, wipe with tension, rinse cloths, and check their work. Spray-and-run? That’s performance, not cleaning.
2. The “Clean” Mop Bucket That’s Never Been Emptied
If your mop water is still clear after a whole day — congratulations, you’ve witnessed a mop theatre piece, not a real clean. Dirty floors = dirty water. If it looks like Perrier, they didn’t mop. They just wet the floor so it smells like eucalyptus and hope.
3. The Bin Switcheroo
Classic. They didn’t take out the bin — they just removed the top layer of trash. You know it’s happening when:
The bin smells suspiciously bad despite being “empty.”
There's always one rogue tissue or banana peel stuck to the inside.
The liner is still the one you bought in March.
4. The Vacuum That Doesn’t Turn On
This is our personal favourite. We’ve walked in during “vacuuming” and realised the machine wasn’t even plugged in. It’s like air guitar but with suction. The best part? They move it around with exaggerated shoulder movements to sell the illusion. Academy Award-worthy stuff.
5. The Wet Rag Shuffle
They walk around with a cloth. They wipe a few surfaces — but it’s the same dry cloth, now smearing dust instead of removing it. Bonus points if they wave it like a magic wand and never actually scrub. In Sydney’s humid workspaces, real wiping means effort, friction, and usually a grimace.
6. The Toilet Paper Triangle Scam
Folding the toilet paper into a little triangle? Not cleaning. It’s hotel cosplay. If your bathroom smells like mildew but has a neat little fold, someone’s trying to Jedi mind trick you. (We call this “turd masking.”)
7. “I Just Did That” Syndrome
Any time you ask about the mess and hear, “Oh I literally just cleaned that,” — they didn’t. They’ve probably never cleaned it. They just don’t want to be asked again. It’s the workplace equivalent of “I was just about to text you back.”
8. Air Freshener Overload = Guilt
If your space smells like a Bath & Body Works exploded… red flag. Scent ≠ clean. In fact, over-spraying is often a panic move. If your salon smells like “Ocean Breeze Passionfruit Explosion” but the floor’s sticky — trust your gut.
The Fix? Outsource the Clean. Keep the Team Focused.
Your staff weren’t hired to clean. They’re stylists, receptionists, trainers, designers. Making them pretend-clean creates resentment, hygiene gaps, and passive-aggressive notes about crumbs. Hire pros. Let your team do their jobs while we do ours.
✅ Ready to Stop the Cleaning Theatre?
Ultrix Cleaning offers full-service commercial cleaning across Sydney’s Inner West, so your staff can quit fake-mopping and get back to what they’re good at.
✔ Deep, consistent, after-hours service
✔ Eco-safe and judgment-free (we’ve seen it all)
📍 Book your weekly or one-off service at www.ultrixcleaning.com — because pretending to clean is costing you more than just dirty tiles.